The Perils of Pauline by Collette Yvonne

Author:Collette Yvonne
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Astor + Blue Editions
Published: 2014-09-25T04:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 18

Operationally Ready

Operationally Ready: A unit, ship, or weapon system capable of performing the missions or functions for which organized or designed.—Department of Defense Dictionary of Military and Associated Terms

A week of unfounded eating for two plus another couple weeks of emotional eating on Serenity’s behalf, and I’m well on the way toward a brand new set of stretch marks. I set my alarm extra-early so I can fit in my exercise plan. If I run for 30 minutes at the first streak of dawn every morning, I will be in tip-top shape for single parenting when Donald is gone to Calgary only a couple of days from now. Plus, of course, my toned runner’s ass will make Michael pant for it.

Dawn is a perfect time for running. Jogging past Bibienne’s house, I wonder if she’s even out of bed yet. Probably not, lazy girl. Most of the homes on my street look quiet and sleepy. These people are sleeping their lives away. What a waste. Meanwhile, here I am, my body moving cleanly, my lungs expanding in the fresh air, the steady beat of my footfalls, one, two, one, two, my head opening to the rush of adrenaline as I get into the zone. Gorgeous.

I’m sure Michael would be impressed if he were to see me. I’m wearing my short-shorts and I have George with me. He loves the running plan too, and is being a well-behaved dog for once by running nicely and evenly beside me on his leash.

We hit the park where we let it out. Two men pass me on the path and I earn a view of their running shorts. They’ve been making outstanding progress on their glute components. How come I’ve never caught on to the running scene before? I try to keep up with the gluteus twins but it’s no use. They’re out of sight in no time and my lungs are on fire with the effort.

I stop to check my cool new runner’s watch that features a built-in heart rate monitor. My heart rate must be powered up now since I can barely breathe and certainly wouldn’t be able to carry on a conversation. According to all the running magazines, I’m overexerting myself if I’m breathless or can’t talk during my workout.

According to the monitor, however, I am lying on the couch eating cupcakes. This can’t be. I’m not even close to target. How do you raise your heart rate to the target zone while still being able to breathe and hold a conversation? Maybe the monitor thingy is broken. I’ll do five more minutes in the cupcake zone and then I’m heading home.

As I jog into the driveway, I see that one of the kids left a bicycle lying on the asphalt behind Donald’s car. Good thing I discovered this in time as Donald would no doubt back over it without even noticing.

The garage door is locked. Tying George to the garage door handle, I walk the bicycle around to the side door, let myself in and flip the light switch.

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